Firsts + Lasts

I have this weird habit of calculating every “last” before a big change in my life. Even when I was in  high school I would figure out every “last” before summer vacation ended: last time I can stay up late, last time I can work during the week, last Saturday I have with no homework, whatever. I do it now before Chris goes on deployment or I have a break from work. I hate that my brain thinks likes this; it feels like I’m constantly counting down to something rather than actually enjoying the moment as it’s happening. My last weekend in Charleston. My last outing to Genes, last brunch, last time watching Ballers with my friends.

Yesterday was a lot of lasts but also my first goodbye. I’m in a weird place.

Counting down every single “last” by day and saying goodbye really reinforced the whole “hey you’re moving” realization. Which is silly because this is six+ months in the making. The countdown is consuming my thoughts and making it difficult to concentrate on anything else. I’m focusing on the to-do list to try and block out my brain reminding me that this is all my “last” things in Charleston.

So let’s try and concentrate on the experience, rather than it being a part of the “last” club.

Weekend Before: drinking sour beers and singing Lemonade twice in a row. Toy Story marathon and picking out the locations we knew in Vice Principles. This weekend: too much Mean-Bean on Friday and sleeping in on Saturday. Homemade breakfast and hysterically laughing to Spider Man 3. Playing Skip-Bo at Genes and eating the same cheese fries James ordered for me on my birthday when I threw them (and the b-day shots) up in the parking lot and fought a parked car. Playing my first game of shuffle board and laughing too hard with the most amazing people in the world. Leaving when the bar closes and coming home to watch System of a Down (why?) videos and Eternal Sunshine. Brunch + Goodbyes. Mashed potatoes and coleslaw and talking about the democratic system at work.

I’m definitely feeling more overwhelmed with the combination of the to-do list and saying goodbye to all the people I love. It sucks. But I have to remember how this is a once in a lifetime thing and nothing is ever final. Its all a transition from stage to another. Keep it cool, Spilis–all things are connected and will continue to be even if you are in another place. The current state of in-flux is what is the tricky part for me. I’m not here or there, I’m just somewhere in the middle.

Take a breath. Get the emotions out. Stop counting lasts and just enjoy it.

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